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THE QUEUE OF MEDIOCRITY

Netflix is home to hundreds of instantly streaming movies to watch anytime you'd like! However, many of them are just not very good. This blog is dedicated to those films.
Oct 2 '12

Brief review of “The Jerk Theory”

The movie revolves around former nice guy, Adam.  Who, after getting dumped by his girlfriend, decides that he needs to become a jerk in order for girls to like him.    

Allegedly former nice guy.

See.. right from the get go, Adam is a womanizing piece of work, but because the synopsis and his old girlfriend say so, I’m supposed to believe he was once a great guy. Here’s the thing - if you want an audience to feel like a character has “transformed”, you need to create some build up.  So no.  The feigned regression angle didn’t work at all for me.  I couldn’t buy it.. and I’d perhaps be willing to forgive that aspect had the film offered anything original or even comedic.  Instead it’s a generic, boring, and soulless take on an already tired genre.. with racial, sexist and religious jabs thrown in superfluously for good measure.  

It should also be mentioned that the lead character is an aspiring musician.  Meaning that there are in fact a number of original songs written for the movie.  Each of which are equally uninspired and just downright annoying.  

Now, this isn’t to say no one should watch this film.. I think if you’re a connoisseur of teen romcoms, or enjoy listening to Sum 41 cover bands, or are a masochist.. you may just have a great time.  

But if you’re like me, you probably couldn’t even enjoy making fun of it.  Sorry Jerk Theory.  No live blog for you.  

Oct 2 '12

The Dolphin: Review

I feel like I should let everyone know right now that just because something is labeled as a “kids movie” I am not going to excuse it and right it off.  If a movie is bad, it’s bad.  And there are far more than enough really great children’s movies out there to prove that just because something is aimed at kids, doesn’t mean it has to be without merit or that adults can’t enjoy it.    

 ”review” under the cut

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Sep 30 '12
damn it all, not another one..

damn it all, not another one..

Sep 30 '12

STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT WHO WILL BE CROWNED…

MOST POINTLESSLY ANNOYING CHARACTER OF THE MOVIE!

Sep 30 '12

raaynee:

This is a lot to take in..

I feel this is currently relevant 

Sep 30 '12

"Many, many years ago the elders said she is on a mission"  

I’ve noticed that the writers of this movie seem to really struggle with the concept of separate tenses.. the characters will be speaking and switch back and forth incessantly between past and present.  It’s only ten minutes in and already it’s happened about three or four times.  At least..  

This, my fellow animation students, is why grammar, writing and vocabulary are crucial to the business.  Do you want to end up on the Netflix Queue of Mediocrity?  

Then shut up and do your homework. 

Sep 30 '12

I feel like this is supposed to be symbolic of something

2 deep 4 me

Sep 30 '12

The opening scene can make or break a movie.

This one opens up with some painfully redundant monologue about how no one follows their dreams.  About how everyone in the ocean just.. one day started following rules.  And didn’t listen to their hearts anymore.  And stopped following their dreams.  Except for Daniel Dolphin.  Who is a dreamer.  Who follows his dreams.  (Is that theme beaten into your head yet?)  

It then quickly cuts to the animated film’s mandatory, ADHD comic relief - a baby dolphin named “Sparky” who evidently lives life in a constant sugar high.  Sparky is soon rendered unconscious.. thank God.. making way for this.. visual feast..?

Instead of creating a vast environment for the characters to race through, they just use the same five or six models for the reefs.  Over and over and over again.  Much like the repeating backgrounds in just about any Hanna-Barbera cartoon.. only a thousand times busier and more obnoxious. 

How much worse coud this possibly get?  I guess I’m about to find out.

Sep 30 '12
I don’t think you’re ready for the cinematic brilliance that’s about to unfold here

I don’t think you’re ready for the cinematic brilliance that’s about to unfold here

Sep 30 '12

A stunning behind the scenes look at “The Dolphin: The Story of a Dreamer”.  With voice acting legends Robbie Daymond and Steven Booth..

Don’t worry, I’ve never heard of them either.